Ask An Adoptee


Ask An Adoptee was a community created for all the non-adoptees who had questions for adoptees. This page is a ADOPTEE ONLY COMMENTING ZONE to keep it a safe place for adoptees. Non-adoptees send their questions to our inbox and we ask anonymous for them.

 There are MANY reasons for this. 

You can find them Ask An Adoptee Guidelines

I had noticed an genuinely large amount of adoptive parents & birth parents have questions for adoptees. Questions where they sincerely wanted to LEARN how we feel or how to handle a particular situation. These questions would come on our page How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? Adoptees seemed to get triggered when this would happen on that page so we and in order to keep it a safe place we created “Ask An Adoptee” where we direct questions for non-adoptees.

This has been a great healing outlet for all involved in the adoption equation.

It’s given adoptees a chance to use their pain for good and give advice based on their experience with living being adopted. It gave non-adoptees a space to ask us advice for specific questions only adoptees could understand.

This brings…


Here are 2 examples:

Q. My husband and I are considering adoption and we have a question for the adoptees out there. We’ve been reading and hearing of some very negative adoption stories but we’ve noticed most of the adoptees with those stories had negative adoptive homes. We feel were a great candidate to be parents. Are there any adoptees here who can share thoughts regarding this topic? How do you view your adoption experience and do you feel the environment you grew up in played a part? Or is there something else we should know? Thank you. ” -Perspective Adoptive Parents

Q. This question is to seek advice from adoptees. I am a Birth Mom, whose daughter just recently turned 18. I began doing more searching for her just a little bit before her Birthday. I came across a search post she had place the year before searching for me. We didn’t have identifying info for each other. I waited several weeks until her birthday to respond to her post, which would have went to her email. I was spending time trying to read, learn and heal. I didn’t get a response back, maybe the email isn’t valid anymore or who knows. I ended up several weeks later posting my own search on the same site and was contacted by a search angel with her info. I was in such shock and excited and wanted to reach out right away but I felt very hesitant and nervous. I decided to do more healing and preparing first. I am told I shouldn’t be in hurry and that I need to prepare more, but I feel so anxious and afraid to wait to long. I have been read reunion stories from others and both sides of it. I have read a lot of people say from others reunions that 18 is very young and Adoptees can have a hard time and some wished they had been older. It looks like she is starting college about now. I just don’t want to jump out and contact her and interrupt her life. How would you feel and cope if you were found at 18 . Should a birth parent wait a few more years since that is a young critical time? I think I would feel different if she found me, but I don’t want to fee like I am interrupting her life right now. If feel like I am worrying about everything regarding contact and so worried about causing her stress or harming a relationship. Any feedback and help is greatly appreciated. – Birth Mom

Loads of comments rolled in from my fellow adoptees, offering support, guidance, advice and concerns. This has been found to be extremely beneficial to the adoption community.

If you are a non-adoptee please visit this page and ask some questions. If your an adoptee, make sure you “Like” this page and participate as the questions are asked. It’s a great healing tool for all parties.


Pamela A. Karanova

Adult Adoptee