Adoptee Speaks

Never stop speaking about your biggest hurts, or your biggest struggles. Those same hurts and struggles are the same thing someone else is going through in life. You never know who you might inspire by speaking about your journey. That is what my blog is for, to speak about my biggest hurts, pains and struggles. Writing is empowering and healing. This is why I share my journey.

It’s important that we never stop sharing or reaching out to those who are in the shoes we were once in. I can’t tell you how much it would have meant for me to have a person of support in my life when I was going through my reunions with my birth family that understood the emotional aspect I was going through. I did have some amazing friends and a very few close adoptive family members I confided in, but no one could relate to the issues I was dealing with. They definitely tried and I love them for that. Once I started speaking out about my adoption experience and reached out to adoptees then adoptees started responding

I feel that God is going to use my journey to help someone else, to help expose the realities of adoption and how it feels to be adopted. In return it will bring healing to adoptees all over the place. I love blogging because this is my place and no one can tell me how to feel here. No one can tell me I should be grateful for being separated from my first family. No one can heal a wound by denying it’s there.
Today I’m grateful I’m at a place in my recovery from LIFE where I can be of a sound mind and body and inspire someone else. I will say this journey isn’t an easy one. I still struggle with being adopted, daily. I cry almost daily about some sort of loss or grieving that may come across my mind. Today what’s really on my heart is how much I missed of my birth family. I missed everything. This makes me very sad. I can’t just get over it. I have to process these things, and accept them which I have done. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of my birth family in some way. I didn’t choose for things to be this way, they were chosen for me. It feels like things are all over the place with both families. The only adoptive parent I have in my life is my adoptive dad. I’m thankful for him, but he’s far away and has been my whole life. It’s hard to have close relationships with someone who is always far away. I love him dearly but I wish he was closer over the years. Both my birth parents rejected me, and this hurts beyond words can describe. My adoption experience has had EVERYTHING to do with my life and the way I am. My relationships with people and how much I love myself have had a direct impact on my adoption experience. I suppose you would have to be one of us to get it but I’m going to keep trying to explain through my writings.
I believe today I’m growing in my relationship with God, and that’s what keeps me sane. He’s turned my hopelessness into HOPE and my brokenness into pieces mended back together. Little by little I’m healing, and growing. If I didn’t have God like I do today, I know I wouldn’t be where I am. I’m thankful he helped me find my biological family. Regardless of how the relationships turned out, at least now I know. At 39 years old I know where I come from, who I look like, and where my people are. No more wondering and being tormented by thoughts of despair in finding my people.
Thanks for reading,

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