I waited 20+ years for a letter in the mail that was promised to me by my birth mother. Every day the mail man would come, and I would be hopeful that letter would be there. I just wanted one letter. She promised she would send it. I wanted to see what her writing was like, and I hoped she would write the words, “I Love You” somewhere at the bottom. I could keep it forever as a keepsake to take out and read or frame it so it would last forever. But, sadly I never received it nor did I ever hear the words “I Love You”. I started to hate to check the mail. It was a daily let down, and a sadness that no one could grasp. Through the years, I had hung onto hope that one day that letter would come, but then she passed away in 2010 so that hope died, along with her. I would give anything to have that one letter.
Now it’s 2014 and God has put an elderly man in my life I have cared for over the years and he has a son that has been estranged from the family. Today, I helped him write his son a letter. He wrote “I think of you often and hope you are well, I Love you,-Pop” at the bottom. I can only hope that letter will bring his son much joy, just like the letter I hoped to receive from my birth mother would have brought me. Maybe just maybe, my experience in understanding the power of a letter will bring him some comfort knowing that even when they may not have the best relationship, he has that letter, from his Pop that says “I love you”.
Pamela Karanova 
I remember thinking this my birth mum was allowed to send birthday cards every year and when I was 18 I was allowed to have them . I couldn’t wait for my 18th thinking I would have a birthday card and loads more she had sent but I received nothing and I felt rejected yet again
How heartbreaking. .. I can so relate to this type of disappointment.. So sorry you had to go through this. Hang on because God will use our pain for the good. I’m certain of it, but I don’t wish this on anyone.
Did you every find your birth parents?
So glad you set up a blog! ! Xxoo ♡
Yeah I did find them but it uncovered more hurt 😦 I thought it would make things a whole lot better but it made more pain and anger xx
I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the pain you are experiencing. Remember you aren’t alone. I too have experienced pure hurt with both birth parents, and my birth sister. They all rejected me. The pain is indescribable to most, but I know you feel my pain and I can feel yours. Maybe we crossed each others paths for a reason? (GOD). It’s nice to have someone that understands.
I know with this type of loss, and grief the anger came first for me. I was angry for 25+ years… But the anger will subside to hurt. And as the years pass it will get easier. It’s NOT easy. Just remember writing about it is healing so share as much as you can about your feelings in your blog! They share it with others. Even one other person validating your feelings is healing. Are you 20 years old? If so, I have 20 years on you!! 🙂 Anytime you need to reach out to me please do!
I try to remind myself that even when I uncovered my TRUTH and it was so PAINFUL at least I have my TRUTH now. So many adoptees will never get it!.. Ever…
Praying for you, and I know what you are going through. Keep moving forward. XOXOXO ❤
Thank you so much for your support its the right time because I am getting really bad anxioty because of it all! Yes I am 20 years old! Is it normal for some days to love my birth mother and other days to hate her ? And same for my adoptive parents ?xxxxx
I believe your feelings are normal. You have many reasons to feel an emotional roller coaster the way you are. Anger and Love. I was SUPER angry at my birth mother for many years, but I still loved her. I have no relationship with my adoptive mother, and I hated her for many years also. Now I don’t hate her, I’ve forgiven her but I don’t have her in my life because she’s very unhealthy for me, and causes me a lot of grief and always has. SO everyone’s situation is different, so be easy on yourself. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!! AND HOW YOU FEEL! I PROMISE! ❤
Thank you so much it means a lot to have you by my side. What you think of my blogs? Some days I wish I could just switch my birth mum and off because some days I want to know and others I just want to throw her feel really mean though! Always here xxxxx
Can you reply to my blog please x
Your blog still wont let me reply…
I don’t know how to change it can you Facebook me your reply cxx