“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”- Mark Twain…
Does this quote make other adoptees squeal deep down inside or is it just me? I’ve been seeing more and more of this quote and each time I read it I’m reminded of the 2 most important days of my life and many other adoptees being hijacked, stolen gone forever. It feels like a knife stabs me in the gut each time I read this. I would suspect non-adoptees can’t even grasp WHY this quote would hurt so badly.
Let’s face it… There was no celebration that day. It was dooms day for my birth mother and I. I believe the day she surrendered her newborn baby was the hardest day of her life & I believe that day set the tone for the rest of her life. She died an alcoholic all alone at 63 years old. I believe the day I was born was the day I experienced the biggest loss of my life, my entire first family and everything to go along with it.
For the day I was born to be one of the top 2 most important days of my life, AND for me to experience the biggest trauma of my life on that day by being separated from my birth mother at the beginning of life is an oxymoron. So this leads me to believe this quote counts for everyone, BUT adoptees.
Does the world truly not see why adoptess views of themselves may or may not be so distorted? We were born into a difficult situation. We’re left to process this alone. We’re expected to celebrate something that should be grieved.
I don’t know about you, but this whole adoption thing is the most backwards experience of my entire life. How can I grasp that the 2 most important days of my life were the day that I was born and they day I found out why? I know why I was born… So I could fill a void in a woman’s life who couldn’t have children. She always dreamed of being called “Mother”. That’s why I was born. I was born because my birth mother had a sister who was deformed at birth because her mother tried to give herself an abortion, but didn’t succeed. This is the only reason my birth mother didn’t have an abortion. That’s why I was born. I was born and handed to strangers because my birth mother wanted to get rid of her problem. Her reminder of her affair with a married man who’s wife was dying of terminal cancer at the time I was conceived.
I don’t feel any comforting thoughts about the day I was born, only tragic. I don’t feel anything GOOD or warm fuzzy about anything to do with that day. I don’t feel HAPPY about being given LIFE instead of aborted. I would have rather been aborted because I wouldn’t feel any of this heart breaking pain day in and day out! If you walked one day in my shoes and felt what I felt you just might feel the same way, so don’t judge me! I don’t feel great about anything to do with being born on this earth, used for the benefit of someone else. I don’t feel great at ALL about all that was taken from me. There is nothing GOOD to say about anything to do with the day I was born, or the reason WHY.
This isn’t saying I’m not thankful for certain aspects of my life or being born. I’m thankful I was a healthy baby. I was born with all my fingers and toes, etc. But for me to be happy or joyous about the day I was born, or the reason WHY I was born is crap. I had to fight like hell to find out my truth about WHY I WAS BORN. The truth hurt, but at least I found out. Thousands of adoptees will never find out their truth. They will never find out why they were born. Does this make them LESS THAN? It sure makes them feel like their foundation is missing.
Mark Twain- Your quote is crap for adoptees around the world.
That is all. I had to get this off my chest, because if I see that quote one more time I might just scream. How does this quote impact you if you are an adoptee? Am I alone here? Only ranting because this is my place to rant and share my feelings without being interrupted.
I wish I was excited about the day I was born.
I wish I felt happiness on the day I was born.
Thank you very much.
Happy New Year ALL!
Pamela Karanova @pamelakaranova
Pamela Karanova 
I can relate to everything you say in this post. I’ve asked God many times “why the hell am I here – just to make other people happy?” My entrance into this world was not one of celebration, but of shame. Though my adoptive parents are grateful that I was born, it doesn’t replace the imbedded pain of being given away and the feeling of terminal rejection. Perhaps God gave me this life in order to share my story and bring light to others who are suffering with the same experience. At least that’s the best reason I can come up with for now… I was born. I’m here. It is what it is. At the risk of sounding cliche (and a little selfish), I’M glad your here because your honesty in writing is helping me to heal.
Mary,
I truly believe we crossed paths because we have such similar feelings and journeys! It’s crazy how much I feel like I can relate to you!
I believe God did indeed give us these stories to share them, and be the LIGHT to other adoptees who may have not been able to be validated yet. I know for certain that us sharing our stories has helped many adoptees who may have felt alone until now. You took the words right out of my mouth.
That’s why it’s critical we keep sharing. Keep speaking. Keep writing. Keep lifting one another up.
This is the most healing place I have, aside from my prayer time,and my relationship with God so I’m happy to have you here because you understand! That’s not lightweight in my eyes! That’s BIG! ❤