Social Media Distancing – The Time Clock is Ticking

fe98b18a-8e0e-42f1-b675-2eda5ebd4e90Allow me a few minutes while I share my new guidelines for social media distancing. I am making some major changes in my personal and professional life, I hope to have more time to write about different topics of being an adoptee in recovery, and nature, wilderness wellness and more. My time is the most valuable thing I have on this planet and there are certain things I will no longer waste it on.

As so many mixed emotions, situations, and feelings have risen for most individuals due to this Covid-19 virus sweeping through our world, it has literally changed everything for me personally and professionally. Some of it has been painful, and some has been enlightening. Some has been a mixture of both. Most of us have been able to find a silver lining, if not many of them.

Spending the last few months glued to the television, seeking any and all guidance from the mainstream media, our government and traditional news outlets, I’ve made the personal choice to discontinue tuning into this for my own mental health and well-being, not to mention I’ve found most of it to be propaganda based on lies.  I have also found this to ring true for certain social media platforms. I have found it to be a toxic addition to my life, and I am making the choice to opt out of certain platforms.

I have seen people fall out on social media at the flip of a switch because narratives are presented with certain articles, views or ideas and someone wants to make it “I’m right and you’re wrong.”  I have found this line of thinking to be toxic, as well as the friendships that are based on the foundation that in order to be my friend, you have to believe like me, act like me and talk like me. Sounds like religious circles, right?  To be true to myself, these are not the type of people or relationships I want in my life, even on my social media.  Because of this, I’m implementing my own social media distancing guidelines. The older I get, the more things change. I want a small, true, and genuine circle of friends. More friends is not better, it is actually worse.

One thing the Coronavirus has done is allow people to show their true colors, especially on social media platforms because many love to get big and bold behind the computer screen. Reality is, if they talked that trash in real life, they would likely get punched straight in the face. I personally partake in a particular type of social media etiquette and carry myself a certain way when in the presence of so many other people because I feel its the kind thing to do. When I see something posted by someone else that I do not agree with on social media, I politely pass that post by. If I notice someone I know on social media sharing posts that I feel are toxic to my mental health and well-being, or it’s something I don’t agree with,  I kindly snooze them for 30 days, or unfollow them all together or simply ignore it. I am not on social media to pop on everyone’s timeline and create discord on their posts and pages and that is never what I have been on social media for. Social media used to be fun, but at this present time in our current affairs, I have found it to be anything but fun. It’s draining, triggering and exhausting.

Apparently too much time in the house has others who are out to argue or prove someone else is wrong and they are right. Let me be perfectly honest, in my opinion social media all alone has created an illusion that all these people are our friends, and all these people like us, support us and “love” us. This might be true to an extent because I have many people on social media I like, support and LOVE. I think we all do, however the other side of this is a lot of people are connected to us in some form or fashion that are just people taking up space. Their opinions really do not matter to me, and if I am being completely honest, most of them are likely no one I would ever hang out with off social media in real life. Who are these people and why are they on my social media? I sometimes ask myself this question daily. I do social media cleanses often, unfriending people who I don’t really know but I realize we all have different outlooks on social media. I respect what others use it for and understand we might have totally different views on this.

I think I have been clear on how I feel about internet interactions, due to the creation of Adoptees Connect, Inc. and this resource having the soul purpose of building relationships with adoptees in our communities in real life. In person friendships and meetings are so much more genuine to me than anything that can be built online, and these are the connections I want in my life. I also apply this to my real life, not just Adoptees Connect, Inc. I do have a small circle of close friends from the adoption community, who I consider my ride or dies. I am not talking about them. They know who they are.

The new normal of others being stuck at home due to the Covid-19 virus has really done a number on people, understandably so. It’s done a number on me too, and I’m 100% certain my life will never be the same.  Some people are out of work, some are trying to find food for their kids, some are at a complete loss on how they can pay their rent this month. I get it and I have great sympathy for each person and each family.

I have experienced my own setbacks due to this virus, although I do not care to share them publicly, I am consciously aware that we are all at different spaces and places in life. I am aware many people are on high alert, and much of what they share comes out in what they post on social media. I know when to allow others grace and turn the cheek and when to keep it moving.

As for social distancing, some people are doing the things they are doing to survive, and what that looks like to them, looks like defiance to someone else. I am set on never casting judgement on people for doing what they need to do to survive. Many people are dealing with mental health issues, and others are extremely lonely. The internet is good at making people feel as if they are connected and because of this, social media has been a wonderful tool for many. Isn’t that what so many of us desire, is that ultimate need to feel connected?

Normally I do not post politically motivated topics, or topics to be overly sensitive for many reasons. Over the last few months, I have shared a few posts that could be looked at as controversial, and I do not regret sharing them at all. However, the open mindedness I would hope most people would have was almost non-existent. Instead of reading the topics, and learn something they wanted to be right, and express that I was wrong for sharing them. These are not the type of people I want in my life, and this is not the type of activity I want to be wasting my time on. We are only allowed a certain amount of time granted to each of us in every single day we have here on earth, and the time clock is ticking.

I am taking responsibility of allowing social media to fill a space in my life that really could be filled with other things that are productive to living a happy and healthy life, even with the Covid-19 virus in full effects. In recovery we can make excuses all day long but ultimately, we must take accountability for our own lives and make changes when things do not suite our needs. Just like the church, religion, and so many other areas of life, it is easy to fall into a trap of co-dependency regarding social media and how much time we spend on there.

I have struggled with the entire concept of so much good coming from social media, at the expense of my unbelievably valuable time. With my time I want to be educating myself and learning new things. I want to be outside in the sunshine reading books I have had on my bookshelf for 25+ years because motherhood dominated my life for so long, I had intentions to read them but never could. I’ve read two whole books in the last week from beginning to end. That hasn’t happened in over 25 years. Now, my kids are older, I want to spend time with them which is my biggest priority. I am free to explore the world and different areas of my state. (Before and after Covid-19, obviously) I have hammocks, and camping gear and a car filled with gas. I want to be adventuring in my area and state and forget all about Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as much as humanly possible.

My mental health is always better when I am outside, connected to the earth in full sync and harmony with nature. Being glued to computers, cell phones, tablets and all electronics are just things I do not want to be doing anymore. If I do, I want my time spent in these areas to be as productive as possible. I believe all the social media platforms that are around and being created are truly just distractions from us all living the true life we were meant to live.

It’s so easy to get sucked into the enticing aspects of the fun and convenience that social f18beb15-8b90-4cc1-9674-4fd5be3d3ebdmedia brings, but I woke up one day and realized if I don’t make some changes I will be a slave to social media forever. I have addictive personality, so monitoring my time on social media does not work for me. I have tried it all, just like I did with alcohol for the 27 years of drinking. If I do not make changes, time I that could be spent feeding my spirit to be as happy and healthy as possible will have slipped by me, poof…  Gone, like a vapor. No one knows how much time we have on earth, and I am living each day like it is my last, even in quarantine.

Stress is a huge problem for many people in work, at home and life in general. I can tell you one thing, stress will eat you from the inside out and take a toll on your mind, your body and spirit. I have let the stress from Adoptees Connect, Inc. and social media platforms dominate way too much of my time. Due to the nature of social media becoming a toxic playground, I have made the choice to take a break from most of the platforms I have normally been continually active in for many years. I have had a love/hate relationship with social media and technology for many years. This comes from wanting to be healthy and happy, and becoming happy and healthy you notice more, especially toxic things and toxic people. It is no wonder I am at a breaking point because it’s been in the works for years!

I care more about my personal friendships with people that I do about being right and others being wrong to even care to participate in these platforms and conversations. I have learned that when leaving social media platforms, 99.9% of the people do not even notice you are gone, because relationships have become so generic due to the illusion social media gives off which is really a sad thing. I am not falling into this illusion anymore.

What I desire in my life are true genuine connections with people in real life. Of course, I still want to keep the relationships with people that aren’t close in my city, but I feel we are close enough that we can and will still keep in touch despite my farewell to many social media platforms. Those are the connections and relationships I have built in the last 10 years at a distance that are scattered all over the world. Most of those people have my phone number, and email and we can stay in touch. They know who they are, so I do not have to share names.

The people who I want around me in my real life, are the people who don’t always have to be right, and those who allow the possibility of others experiences, strengths and wisdom to be people we can all learn something from one another. The “I’m right, your wrong” mentality is a dangerous space to be in, and that is not where I am at.

Social media in my life has become a thief of time, and I write all the time about how time is the most valuable thing I have left to give, and the most valuable thing anyone can give. So why continue to give so much time to something that really is not bringing me the fulfillment it once was but in return it is stealing my time?

106f31ed-3f27-4e3c-bf09-050cad01eca0I have clearly outgrown it.  I have a whole list of things I want to tend too in my personal life that have all of a sudden become more important than feeding into the social media illusion I’ve been addicted too for many years now. I have developed this co-dependence that I wish to discontinue, and that is where I am at in this present place of my life. First, I discontinued Twitter, then Instagram and now my public Facebook page. I’ve kept my Facebook “like” pages for now, but I don’t plan on spending much time on them and I had to keep my commitment in keeping my Adoptees Connect, Inc. group alive, as well as the AC Facebook page. Keeping these pages alive are for my fellow adoptees, not for me.

I have taken care of people my whole life, and it has been my career for 15 years. Now it is time to take care of myself. My hope is to write more on my website, as well as read and be outside. I want to build on my small circle of close friends by intentional connections, by reaching out to them and spending time with them when the world opens back up again. Until then, I want to talk on the phone and make plans to see one another. The superficial illusion of social media is no longer controlling me.

Another thing I am working on is my addiction to SUGAR. How is it SUGAR has been harder for me to beat than alcohol? I have figured it out, but I will share in future articles I write. In recovery we learn people trade addictions for addictions. I have found this to be true regarding my toxic and unhealthy love for sugar. This is another reason why eliminating stress is KEY because stress can trigger all kinds of addictive behaviors and patterns. While valuable time on social media is out, I am putting myself first so I can be the happiest and healthiest version of me. Be on the lookout for more articles, more writing, and more genuine connectivity from me! Although I am off my personal Facebook page, you can contact me by my public page by clicking here. You can also find me on LinkedIn. Please introduce yourself. I do not add strangers to my LinkedIn.

If you have made it this far, thank you for reading! I would love to know what boundaries you are setting for yourself during the Covid-19 pandemic? What have you found that is not working for you? What is working? Are you taking care of yourself? If so, how? If not, why not?

I hope you make the choice to put yourself and your happiness first. By all means necessary, do what you need to do to eliminate as much stress as possible from your life. Your health and happiness depends on it. XO – P.K.


13 thoughts on “ Social Media Distancing – The Time Clock is Ticking

  1. Yes yes yes! Love this, love you! This pandemic has brought out the best in some and the worst in others. I have unfollowed many people, hidden posts and limited how much news I watch. All the negativity was weighing me down. The flowers are still blooming, birds are still making their nests, the deer are still eating all of my hostas – oblivious to how the world has changed for us. surreal…

    I haven’t logged into my LinkedIn in years… I’ll look for you. One of these days I want you to show me some waterfalls! 💛

    1. So glad to learn I’m not experiencing this alone! That in itself can be isolating, but it helps to know I’m not alone. Like you said, there still is so much beauty in life. For me, it’s the small simple things. It’s definitely turned into a negative war zone on social media. Just way too toxic to my mind, body and spirit. I’m excited that I still plan on sharing my life moving forward here on my website while social media distancing. I hope to inspire others to disconnect and find whatever it is in life that feeds our spirit. I just don’t get that from social media anymore. I now find myself wondering if I ever did, or did I just pick up a new addiction to keep current with the times? My favorite part is keeping up with those I’m close too, but I hope that will continue but more intentional connections behind it… It’s definitely been surreal for me too! I tried to limit posts, and put stipulations on it but it was impossible for me when it’s coming from every which way! Lol

      I would love to take you to see some waterfalls! You will always have a friend in Kentucky and anytime you swing this way, please look me up! 😀☀️💛💦🌳

  2. You have made a wise choice. Facebook is Fakebook. I’m sure the Russians are happy about the fake media they created. Social media is seductive but often not in a good way. If one values the time they have left, it is better for many of us to avoid it. Is the time spent on social media productive? Usually not. Hopefully, you will start a wave of people turning away from Fakebook and using their time in more healthful ways, just as you are doing.

    1. Yes, yes and yes! Thank you so much.

      Facebook is fake for a million reasons but one is because they are definitely censoring what’s shared and to be completely honest, I’m not okay with that. I didn’t dive into that topic (and a few others) that also contributed to my decisions in social media distancing in my article but the censorship is definitely a huge factor.

      If it wasn’t for Adoptees Connect, Inc. I would leave Facebook all together and I’m not certain I still won’t do that. I’m investigating an offline platform where I can host our volunteer community without having to pay a ton of money. If you know of anywhere, please share if you don’t mind? It would need to be a forum type of a set up. It will cost $300 a year with WordPress which is where we host our site, just like here.

      I agree wholeheartedly that the time spent on social media is usually not productive. I bet the Russians are happy! Im excited to disconnect, which will allow me more time to write and discover things I’m passionate about. My new book is called “Earthing – The most important health discovery ever!” I’m learning so much! 😀🌼☀️💛

  3. Pamela, You said it best yourself when you wrote: “I am set on never casting judgement on people for doing what they need to do to survive.” Kudos to you fro being true to your message. And I believe that you will go well beyond surviving and into a new level of thriving!

    1. Thank you so much my friend! Of all my forever friends, near and far I knew you would understand this one! Thank you for that!! 😀💛

  4. I love how you are taking care of yourself. We can all learn from you. In fact I do learn from you. I have learned how to walk away from people that don’t care about my happiness, even when I care about them. Thank you for pointing out the obvious truths that most people are too scared to acknowledge. ❤️

    1. Hi Virginia,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it so much.

      We’re in this together so I’m glad sharing some of my story, has been able to help you and others. That’s truly why I keep sharing, and in return it helps me as well. Because I’m eliminating a lot of social media moving forward I’m planning on writing more, I’m really excited about it. It’s definitely a freeing thing. I hope you are staying well and finding things that feed your soul in the midst of the madness going on. 💛😃🌼☀️

      1. Yes Pamela, I am feeding my soul through all of this. Like you, I am reading and writing more. It is freeing to walk away from the negativity that social media can hand out. ❤️

  5. I totally agree and can relate. I gave up Facebook particular because of the subliminal drama and subliminal psychology that people use to tear down, destroy, cyberbullying and even cyberly kill people and getting away with it. Il do Instagram for following influential speakers and to be apart of the awake community and that’s it. I don’t have any friends nor family that I’m following or followers. I’m discreet.

    1. I think this is wonderful! I’m super proud of you for following what you believe in. I’ve learned it’s not always easy, especially in a world of followers. This thing with Facebook has bothered me for along time, a few years. Over the last 2 years I’ve seen people be cyber bullied and cyber mobbed to the verge of attempting suicide and what does Facebook do? Absolutely NOTHING. I’ve reported these bullies and their trash pages time and time again, and nothing. They always say it doesn’t go against their community standards. Why would anyone want to be a part of this community? I’ve written many articles about it, hoping people will start blocking and banning these cyber bullies from their platforms but everyone is scared of them. I am not scared of them, I would love to see them in person. That would be a whole new story.

      I’m not posting on Instagram for the time being, but I might go back to it eventually. I miss seeing what my daughters post, and my closest friends. But isn’t Instagram owned by Facebook? I need to research this. I think being discreet is such a smart way to be. If it wasn’t for Adoptees Connect and my advocacy for the Adoptee community I would delete all my like pages too. Just haven’t given up on that yet. I might have someone take them over.

      Do you know of any forum type settings where someone can create a forum? Something that’s trustworthy and that’s not being censored like FB is? Asking around. I’m hoping to eventually get my FB AC group off there, and to a whole new platform.

      Ty for sharing by the way! So good to know I’m not alone, and you aren’t either! 💛☀️😊🌼

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