Walking Away…

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more “FREE” in my life.

 I’ve spent a lot of time lately walking away from people, places and things that no longer serve God’s purpose for my life. It’s an amazing time for sure!

I’m walking away. I’m moving forward. I’m letting go.  I’m leaving all those things behind that are no longer designed to benefit me or progress me in life. I must say things have changed drastically over the last few years but even more so the last few months.

GOD IS IN CONTROL.

I TRUST HIM!

I’ve learned I’m more content this way. I’m not so “Out there” trying to belong in places I will never fit in at. I spent so many years trying to fit in when God hasn’t designed me, (or YOU) to ever fit in. I’m happier on the outside far away from all the drama and craziness. That life is overrated in my humble opinion. I’ve seen a lot in my life. I’ve experienced so many highs and lows you wouldn’t even believe it all if I told you. One thing I know is I’m a survivor- ALL ADOPTEE’S ARE SURVIVORS! Even if we spend most of our lives feeling abandon & rejected the fact that we are alive is HUGE! We must give ourselves some credit when it’s due!

I’m going to start writing about my life from some other dynamics, not just an adoptee in recovery dynamic. I have other things to share like how it’s been being a single parent for 23+ years, what it was like being extremely involved in a church and then feeling like I had to walk away to protect my kids & more. I’ve seen how people can become co-dependent on the church so much they don’t even know who they are outside of the church. This was me for 4 years! I want to share what my life is like now that I’m not in a recovery program or ministry and how my recovery journey is at this point. I want to share how life is after pulling back from “Adoptee Land” for the last few months. I want to share what it’s like with all my kids adults now. I want to share how it is that I hear God in the midst of all of these transitions. Don’t think I’ve walked away without God by my side- He’s been with me the entire way!

For now, I will share that walking away for me is gaining peacefulness like I have ever known. The less people, places and things in my life the better. The smaller my circle the better. Life’s circumstances have made me this way and I don’t feel it’s a heartbreaking thing-I feel it’s a remarkable thing. It’s taken me awhile to get to this conclusion but trusting God has been key to keep my sanity.

Now it’s time I live my life and discover ME…

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Pamela Karanova

Adult Adoptee

Lexington, KY

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Around The World & Back Again…

This is pretty random, but I’ve been watching the news.

This has pros and cons for me. 

I stopped watching television 4 years ago. Why? Well, because it was just so heavy. Everything was heavy. News is nothing but heartbreak and doom and I made the choice to opt out. Television programs seemed to be the biggest waste of time to me. I love controlling what I let come in my life and what I let influence my mind. Television has been something I eliminated. It’s been great.

Until Now. 

I decided I needed to get up to date on some of the happenings in our country and around the world. My GOD at all the things happening in our world today. I’ve spent about 6 weeks trying to learn about Aleppo, Syria and the war that has been happening for the last 4 years. My heart has been torn to shreds seeing on the photos and videos online of all the horror all the people of Syria have been going through. To learn that the U.S. has played a major role in funding this war, where thousands of lives have been lost, including women and children of all ages I became so saddened and upset.

Here are some photos to give you an idea if you haven’t seen so far…

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I have cried REAL TEARS about all that is going on in this world! These are human beings being treated as if they are nothing and the world has sat back and remained silent. Mass genocide is going on in our world and it sickens me.

WHY WHY WHY?

Can you imagine being a mother or father and hearing 30-40 bombs go off in your neighborhood daily and you never know when one might strike your home? FOR FOR YEARS this has been going on! Children MURDERED! Newborn babies MURDERED! Innocent women & men MURDERED! I even saw a video of a 15 year old boy being beheaded! YES! This goes on in the world!

I’m praying for these people who are so innocently being slaughtered for no reason at all. The more I learned the more I became humbled in my life. Not only for me, but for all those around me and the people right here in the USA who are living lives where we are more free than so many of the countries around the world.

I have issues, but my issues are things I can and will overcome with God on my side but my things are nothing compared to what is going on around our world. 

We really have so much to be thankful for you know?? 

Thanks for reading.

P.K.