I’ve Got Nothing for National Adoption Awareness Month 2020

Photo Credit: UNSPLASH by Jed Owen

I’ve spent years pouring my heart and soul into NAAM, and at the end of November, my heart and entire soul feel completely exhausted, not to mention my emotional and mental health take a tremendous toll. National Adoption Awareness Month is heavy, like a duffle bag filled with bricks.

Something about living 46 years being adopted, fighting the world for my truth, and then taking every ounce of energy for an entire month by pouring into the occasion is just way too much than what my mental health can take these days.  

Adoptee Remembrance Day was created and set for October 30th each year is to send shockwaves in the adoption community about the ADOPTEE REALITIES of adoption and how it impacts adoptees all over the world BEFORE NAAM HITS. This is where I will be spending my energies for the years to come, and this is where I will be pouring my heart into.

I would love to extend my sincere thanks and gratitude to my friends and fellow adoptees who have chosen to buckle up their bootstraps in pouring into November. I know this isn’t an easy time for adoptees, and it seems we all take an extra beating this month when we choose to participate. As if living being adopted isn’t hard enough, we have to look online and see adoption praise parties worldwide. It’s tough, beyond it. I salute each of you! I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for pouring your soul into the adoptee community.

As the middle of November approaches, I would love to encourage anyone reading to be sure to take care of yourself and take breaks as your mental health truly needs it. No one is going to do it for us. I also encourage you to consider pausing from social media as it’s one sure way to stay consumed in ADOPTIONLAND. Be ruthless in your self-care routine, and learn that you don’t have to explain your actions to anyone.

I no longer explain my decisions or actions to anyone regarding my role in adoptionland. Once upon a time, I used to seek guidance or others’ approval before I made decisions. Today, I ask myself daily, where I am concerning my adoption journey. Reflecting on this topic is how I accurately decide my role within the adoptee community. It changes frequently, and I am okay with this.  

Whatever you are doing to participate in NAAM, and even for those who are passing it up this year, please put yourself first. You deserve it.

Adoptees Connect, Inc. Teams Up with Rebecca Sansom, Filmmaker for Reckoning with the Primal Wound

Where Adoptee Voices Meet

The last week was a whirlwind as we launched our first Annual Adoptee Remembrance Day – October 30th. The day went out with a bang, and our message was delivered worldwide as the truths in adoption were brought to light.

In the days leading up to Adoptee Remembrance Day, we were notified that the premier release of the Trailer for Reckoning with the Primal Wound was going to be released on 10/30/20. The release day was picked to bring awareness to the struggles that come with the entire adoption experience.

In this documentary, Filmmaker and Adoptee Rebecca Sansom has teamed up with the author Nancy Verrier of the book, The Primal Wound, to make a feature-length documentary about the experience of being an adopted person. The Primal Wound is still the number 1 resource for adoptees after 25 years.

In addition to Verrier’s voice, the film features…

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It’s Hard to Smile Today – My Tribute to Adoptee Remembrance Day 10/30/2020

It’s hard to smile today when so many adoptee smiles have been washed away. If you know an adoptee, let me take you on a ride in an Adoptee’s mind. Please sit down and give me a few minutes of your time.

Imagine being in your mother’s womb, where there is only room for two scared hearts beating as one. The day we are born should be as bright as the luminous stars in the sky.

Her heartbeat warms our hearts like the bright & shiny sun but quickly turns to gloom as soon as you make your grand entrance into the delivery room.

Like a thief in the night, your sacred heartbeat is gone. Disappeared. You are all alone, no longer one. Where is your bright and shiny sun?

She’s gone, and she’s not coming back. Pre-verbal trauma will be carried around like a permanent backpack. We can run, but we can’t hide. Adoptee triggers bring on lifelong thoughts of suicide.

Adoptees are dying, searching for their sun. Carrying so much pain because being separated from your mother is a deep-rooted trauma and inhumane.

“LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED”

That’s a lie. No matter what they say, love isn’t enough or a house full of stuff. Buckle up for the ride called “The Fight of Your Life!”

You are fighting the fight of your life with your very first breath, unattached to anyone because of the broken bond. Most days, the only escape seems like death.

We might not want to die, but we want out of here. We’re sick and tired of the endless emptiness inside, the heartbreak, and never-ending tears.

Every day can seem like an uphill battle, being tormented by things everyday people can’t relate to. They have no idea what it feels like to have your entire history erased or what it feels like to look in the mirror and see “Nobody’s Face.”

There is nothing wrong with your views or how you feel. What’s wrong is relinquishment and adoption trauma being subjects that are considered taboo.

Rooted in relinquishment trauma, dark clouds are everywhere, most days feeling hollow and empty inside. Being born a burden is a tremendous pill to swallow. Mental gymnastics always override and blindside the happiness non-adoptees feel. I wake up most days and can’t believe this life is real.

The world says, “Be Thankful!” for the deck of cards you were dealt. They are clueless about what it means to feel like a piece of property—paid in full for a cash price. Only to make the dreams come true for another person’s life. Meanwhile, our entire lives are rooted in secrecy and lies.

We’re tired of therapying the therapists. No one understands adoptee layers unless they are one of us. When you say, “Screw the world, I no longer want to live, and I have nothing left to give!” I want you to know your adoptee tribe knows your pain. We love you with no ulterior motives, and we have nothing to gain.

Today is Adoptee Remembrance Day, and It’s hard to smile today.

I wish I could wipe your teardrops away. If I had one more chance, I would hug you so tight and tell you wherever you are in life, that everything’s going to be alright. I will always remember you because your heart and smile are as big as the sky, and no one can deny the outcry we feel because you didn’t deserve to die.

Please know we will never let your memories fade away.

I wish I could take your pain away.

It’s hard to smile today.

RIP to Caleb Harris and all the Adoptees who didn’t make it by way of suicide or at the hands of their adoptive parents.