Learning to Just Be…

img_0319I’ve been working really hard at being okay with doing nothing, learning to JUST BE. I must be honest, It’s a new place for me. One more silver lining I give to Covid-19, but if I’m transparent,  it hasn’t been easy.

For 45 years of my life, I have been busy. Busy raising kids, busy finding my truth, busy working, busy with friends or family. I’ve been busy pouring my heart and soul into other things, a lot of the time being left empty. I’ve been busy with recovery and working on a million root issues. I’ve been busy over committing myself and over extending myself. I’ve been busy finding myself by learning who I am and what I like and don’t like. I’ve been busy creating resources and tools for the adult adoptee population and being an advocate for the community I hold very close to my heart.

Almost all of my commitments and life I’ve been taking care of other people. All the way to being born, and adopted into a family where my adoptive mom couldn’t care for me due to her own mental illness. She showed me that being still or resting was unhealthy, and I don’t want to be anything like her. I remember catering to her wants and needs from a very early age, (5ish). I took care of her, she didn’t take care of me. I was her caretaker.

At 21 I had my first child, and then I had twins at 24. They are all 3 the best part of me. I took care of and raised my 3 children 100% solo with no child support, and no help at all from their fathers. My kids are all adults now, and have turned out wonderfully considering they have come this far without their dads in their life. Not only was I their caretaker, I was mom and dad. I wouldn’t change a thing because they have been worth every bit of the struggle but I will never be able to make up for their dads being missing.

In 2005 I started taking care of a stroke patient for a living. This October I will be with her for 15 years. We’ve rode it out all these years, and she’s been the biggest inspiration of my life. The position I have is a Team Leader position where I’m on call 24/7, which is a significant responsibility. It’s kept me busy and has given me more rewards than you could ever imagine.

Being an advocate in the adoptee community has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my lifetime, however it’s been draining as hell! I am not lying and I have no way to sugar coat it. I wouldn’t change a thing, but I’m defiantly making changes for myself moving forward. I’m no longer always available like I always have been. I’m putting my mental health first and setting boundaries that work for me.

All of these caretaker roles all the way back to the beginning of my life have taken up5c223d79-ea3c-4e69-8089-92a20d21ba4f ALL MY LIFE. It’s safe to say care taking is in my DNA which is interesting because I don’t feel like anyone has ever taken care of me. Crazy how that works…

Part of finding myself and what I love to do has been such a wonderful and freeing experience. It’s been a lot of fun, and I plan to continue on this amazing journey. However, for some reason I’ve felt for the last few years that I’m running out of time. I plan on writing about “Time” soon, but it’s way too complex for this article. Running out of time makes me feel like every minute of my life I need to be DOING SOMETHING and BEING STILL has never been in my forecast. Being still makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away, and when time is running out that’s a NO GO.

I’ve always been a “Go Getter” and I’m a doer. I don’t just talk about things, I do them. I hate relying on others, because I always seem to get let down so I try to do EVERYTHING on my own, and normally I do a pretty good job at it. I’m all about integrity and I’m a woman of my word. If I say I’m going to do something I do it. I hate being late, and I’m very proud that 99.9% of the time I’m always a little early or on time. I’m always going, taking advantage of every minute of time I’m given, because after all I’m running out of time.

Over the last 8 years of being in recovery, it’s been a shit ton of work. I’ve worked on more “Self Help” topics that I can even share here. 8 Whole years of my life I can’t ever get back, but all those things I worked on have helped me arrive at the destination I am today.

I’ve never been a napper, or someone that rests. The only time I will be still is if I’m sick or my busy life catches up to me and I wear myself out and I make myself sick. Cell phones don’t help this, but enable the havoc we experience in our everyday lives. Having hand held computers at our fingertips, along with social media our minds never stop running. Little by little I’m prying myself of all the ways of the world, finding what works best for me. One of the biggest hurdles I’ve had to experience is to learn to just be.

Be Still.

Be Quiet.

Just Be.

But how?

How do I do this when I’ve been running for 45 years? 

As you can see, learning to JUST BE hasn’t been easy for me! 

One of the biggest rewards Covid-19 has done for me, (among many) is allowed me the space to learn to JUST BE. What does “just be” look like to me? Doing nothing, reading a book, resting my body, relaxing, going to bed early, calling a friend, writing, unplugging, sitting in nature, watching something I want to watch, etc. To me, “Just Be” is being still for awhile.

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It’s a whole new thing for me but I can tell my body is enjoying a break, and I’m taking on the full time responsibility of whispering to myself that it’s okay to JUST BE. It’s okay to be still, it’s okay to rest. I truly feel the alternate of staying busy all the time, over committing, over booking, and over stimulating my mind, body and spirit was only taking a toll on my emotional, mental and physical health. If I didn’t make these changes, I’m sure I would end up in the hospital at some point, likely sooner than later.  I think a significant piece of this journey is learning to love yourself, by yourself. Embracing your own company.

I decided to share this because being an adoptee, staying busy was an escape for me. I didn’t have to think about my adoptee problems. I worked 3 jobs at one point last year, and also managed to pull of Adoptees Connect, Inc. I was always afraid to be by myself, for idol time and to be alone. But not anymore. I have so many things I like and love to do while I’m being STILL. Writing is one, and I’m doing a lot more of that lately. As well as making time to talk to my friends on the phone. I’m 100% certain if I didn’t get my truth regarding who I am, I wouldn’t even be alive right now let alone in the space of learning to enjoy to JUST BE.

Finding a healthy balance between all these things has been exceptionally challenging if not impossible. I have tried, but I still was way too over committed for it to make a difference. If you can prioritize your life, and then eliminate things that no longer serve you a purpose, then you can find the healthy balance between those things that you decide to keep.

Let me share that there is nothing on this planet worth your health. Nothing. If you feel like you are being spread thin, please reevaluate your commitments and put yourself first. Whatever you can discontinue in order to put your emotional, mental and physical health first please do it. It’s so easy to be that person who’s always there for everyone else, but become depleted because no ones pouring into you or your cup is bone dry empty. If you can no longer keep commitments you have made, communicate that to the reciprocating party/s. Sometimes we have to learn to slow our roll. Put yourself first.

Everything in my life has changed since Covid-19 and I hope you are taking this opportunity to make the changes you need to live a happier and healthier life. No one is going to do it for you.  It’s all on you!

**What changes have you made for yourself since Covid-19 hit? Have you been able to find any silver linings? Do you have trouble resting and being still? How does that impact your daily life?

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My Future & My Flip Phone

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I’ve had a long time dream of being able to completely disconnect from electronics, and my smartphone but unfortunately a few things have stood in the way of this dream coming to life.

Until recently…

With the new Covid-19 coming to our communities, and peoples ignorance showing their true colors on social media has truly changed my life forever. I will never forget how many people posted 100x a day on their social media platforms regarding Covid-19 TELLING ME (and everyone else) what they need to be doing during this insane and intense time. I’m immediately turned off by these types of people, because it just so happens there is a possibility not everyone believes like you, so who are you to be TELLING OTHERS what they need to be doing? SMH. Disgusting!

In my opinion, social media has been designed to distract people from what’s really important and it has an addiction component to it. Social media is easiest accessible via our smartphones, smart tablets, computers, etc which are portable and we have become accustomed to taking them everywhere we go. I would suggest what’s really important to an individual person is different and we each have to navigate the path that best suits us at that present stage of our lives. Maybe social media is your only connection to the outside world, or maybe your smart devices keep you alive for various reasons? I get it. Everyone is in different spaces, I’m sharing where I’m at. 

One of the main reasons I’ve procrastinated on getting a flip phone and following my heart is because of how dependent we all become to our smartphone devices. Between GPS, Banking, Emails, Social Media, Music,  we’re truly on our phones sometimes hours a day. I don’t know about you, but especially during Covid-19 the obsession I’ve developed with checking my social media, emails, news, etc on my smartphone has increased greatly and become unhealthy for me. I realize this because I wasn’t giving my brain any “Down time” from processing information, and it was showing in my mental and emotional health. Time is the most valuable thing I have so I had to ask myself a question.  Do I really want to continue to waste the most valuable thing I have by sacrificing my time for my smartphone? 

I’ve learned over the last 5 years or so, that the most fulfilling times in my life are when I’m out in nature, either alone or with those I’m close too and I’m disconnected from all technologies all together. I’m sure you’ve noticed when you are around your friends and family, and even sitting at the doctor’s office almost everyone is on their smartphones. Even when you might only have one hour a month to actually sit and visit someone in person, they are still glued to their smartphones. I can raise my hand at being one of these people, but I can also raise my hand that things are changing for me and I no longer want to be that person. 

In respecting my time, I would like to respect the time of those I’m close to as well. 

I’m on call for work 24/7 so turning my smartphone off like most people can do, isn’t an option. I always have to have it right there, so this has caused me added stress and anxiety to feel like I have to be attached to this smartphone, and I have no choices like disconnecting from it like others do. My dilemma was how could I purchase a flip phone but still have my smartphone for small doses of use?  I finally found a solution in making this happen and I couldn’t be more happy with my decision. What it’s allowed me to do is keep my smartphone, but I keep it in airplane mode 95% of the time, and the other 5% is the only time I spend on it but using it for specific things that I’m not ready to sacrifice yet.  What would those things be? GPS to find hiking trails, my music, the little social media I still have, banking and email. As soon as I’m done, I turn it back off to airplane mode. 

My flip phone is basically for calls and text ONLY. Texting is only able to be done by voice command, because the only other option is typing each letter out the old school way which will take forever. 

I’ve been struggling with this internal tug-of-war regarding electronics for a while now. There is a true thing regarding addictions to electronics, and I’ve become increasingly aware of this over the last few months. However it’s something that’s been on my mind for years. As I grow in my personal journey, things shift and I hope they continue to shift, because that means I’m continuing to grow. Sitting around on the internet and being glued to smart devices and the television is not the life I want to live. I want to be free to be me, and the only way to do that is make significant changes in my mind, body and spirit. To be completely honest, social media and the internet give me significant anxiety and knowing this has allowed me to accept it and make changes. 

I’ve become increasingly turned off by turning the television on and I truly feel with my whole heart that it’s a blood sucker of time. If I’m completely honest, I hate the television. I hate to see others living their lives through the television shows. Not knocking any television watchers at all, it’s just not for me. I want to be out living my own life, and having amazing experiences in the process. To the root of my core, making memories is what pulls on my heart strings. 

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I want to be able to call my friends on the phone, and catch up with them like we used to do in the old school days. I want to be able to see them in real life, and to hug them like real friends do. I want to be able to make memories because in the end that’s truly all we have to hang onto, and when our memories fade hopefully we will capture memories in photographs that we can keep a lifetime. 

Another thing I’m investing in soon is a camera where I don’t become so dependent on my smartphone to keep my photos. You would be surprised at how social media sites, google, and anywhere on the internet want to keep your photos forever, and when you try to delete them they don’t allow you too. It’s happened to me a lot, and it’s really infuriating to me. So I’m making this change, so I have all my photos backed up on a camera and my laptop and I’m bypassing the smartphone as much as possible. 

 The other dynamic I’ve done much research on over the last few months is the RF EMF sensitivities that many of us have, but most people have no clue the symptoms they have might be related to Electromagnetic Frequencies that are everywhere around us at all times. There truly is no running from it, because our government is behind us being exposed to these toxic frequencies but we can ALL DO OUR PART in making changes in our personal lives for our health and happiness.  I’ve stopped using all bluetooth devices and I will be opting out at upgrading to any of these products in the future.

For inquiring minds, there are many negative symptoms of RF EMF exposure and they cause significant sensitivities in our bodies. Keep in mind – YOUR DOCTORS OR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS ARE NOT GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS. We have to do our own research. I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO THE RESEARCH! Your health and happiness depends on it. 

 How to Reduce Your EMF and RF Exposure is a wonderful article. It says, “Because the brain and the heart are intricately connected and function with the highest density of voltage-gated calcium channels (you can think of these as electrical control centers within cells) compared to the rest of the body, these organs are the most susceptible to the damaging effects of low-intensity EMFs. When the intracellular signaling becomes disrupted, biological functioning becomes disrupted, meaning our bodily functions and systems are disrupted, leading to hormonal changes, impaired fertility, oxidative stress, emotional dysregulation, DNA damage, disrupted melatonin, and the breakdown of the blood-brain-barrier, among others.” 

Within the same year of having our WiFi router in my bedroom, I was diagnosed with Melanoma (in March) and not long before this I started having heart issues. Both resulted in surgeries but I never made the connection until recently by researching RF EMF sensitivities that there could very well possibly be a correlation. Of course there are other factors that could play a role, but RF EMF exposure could also play a role. It also doesn’t help that the cell and WiFi towers are right outside my bedroom window where I live. 

The more I research this topic and learn the toxicities of smart devices, WiFi, and RF EMF radiation that is radiating our bodies, the more disconnected I want to be. Knowledge is power, and I challenge you to start researching RF EMF sensitivities and eliminating as much as possible from your life. Document the changes you see. I plan on using my website to document my changes with my followers. 

Earthing and grounding has come to the forefront while I navigate this new chapter of img_9165my life. Not only is it healing to my mind, body and spirit but it’s something natural that’s been around for as long as the earth has been around. Go outside, take your shoes and socks off, and walk around in the grass, dirt, or sand. Connect with the earth and research the healing properties this will bring. Who I recommend you research is Clint Ober – Ultimate Longevity. Clint is the innovator behind the earthing and grounding movement. This movement has literally changed my life. I now sleep grounded at night, and I can notice a significant change in my health. Click the link above to learn more.

My future & my flip phone is only the beginning for me. While I move forward in life, I’m going to come up with more ways to disconnect from the electronic world as we all know it while increasing my connections with Mother Earth, and my close friends & family who I have in my life. I still want to share my nature adventures, because they have been the true pathway of healing for me in hopes to inspire other adoptees and anyone else that might follow my journey. Nature has been my #1 recommended resource for healing so please consider getting outside. You won’t know the healing benefits of this, until you try. 

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Over the last few weeks, I’ve been able to talk to some of my close friends on the phone using my old school flip phone, and I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it’s been to hear their voices, and talk trash like friends do! That’s what I want at the forefront of my life in my relationships. I don’t want to live through social media anymore. Of course I will post some, really to inspire others but life is not to be lived through smart devices. It’s to be lived by going outside and living it. As always, I’m continuing to set more boundaries for myself, my life and my future. People don’t have to understand it, which is totally okay. My heart desires true, organic, intentional friendships. I won’t settle for the fake illusion that social media gives any longer. 

I do challenge you to try to step into a new way of life by entertaining the thought that too much time on smart devices might just be what’s standing in the way of you living your best life. For me, I tried to create a healthy balance for years on limiting time on my smartphone and electronics by setting reminders on time, etc. It didn’t work for me. So my future & my flip phone will be an adventure to be had and I’m excited to navigate the newness of this amazing shift in my personal and professional life. I’m determined to be true to myself, even when the rest of the world might not be able to relate. I’m following my heart and making no excuses along the way. 

Be adopted, many of us dance to the beat of our own drums because that’s all we’ve known since the beginning. I’ve learned to embrace this, be excited about it and continue to set the boundaries in life that work best for me. 

What boundaries have you set for yourself lately? How have they impacted the relationships with those close to you? Have they understood and respected your boundaries? 

Sending you sunshine, adventures, love & light from the bright side.

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