It’s Hard to Smile Today – My Tribute to Adoptee Remembrance Day 10/30/2020

IT’S HARD TO SMILE TODAY

It’s hard to smile today, when so many adoptee smiles have been washed away. If you know an adoptee, let me take you on a ride in an Adoptees mind. Sit down and give me a few minutes of your time.

Imagine being in your mother’s womb, where there is only room for scared hearts beating as one. The day we are born should be as bright as the beaming stars in the sky.

Her heartbeat warms our hearts like the bright & shiny sun but quickly turns to gloom as soon as you make your grand entrance into the delivery room.

Like a thief in the night, your sacred heartbeat is gone. Disappeared. You are all alone, no longer one. Where is your bright and shiny sun?

She’s gone and she’s not coming back. Pre-verbal trauma will be carried around like a permanent backpack. We can run but we can’t hide, adoptee triggers bring on lifelong thoughts of suicide.

Adoptees are dying searching for their sun. Carrying so much pain because being separated from your mother is a deep rooted trauma and inhumane.

“LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED”

That’s a damn lie. No matter what they say, love isn’t enough or a house full of stuff. Buckle up for the ride called “The Fight of Your Life!”

Fighting the fight of your life with your very first breath, unattached to anyone because of the broken bond. Most days the only escape seems like death.

We might not want to die, but we want out of here. We’re sick and tired of the continuous emptiness inside, the heartbreak and never ending tears.

We’re tired of therapying the therapists. No one understands adoptee layers unless they are one of us.

When you say “Screw the world, I no longer want to live, I have nothing left to give!” I want you to know your adoptee tribe knows your pain. We love you with no ulterior motives and we have nothing to gain.

Everyday can seem like an uphill battle being tormented by things everyday people can’t relate too. They have no idea what it feels like to have your entire history erased or what it feels like to look in the mirror and see “Nobody’s Face.”

There was a nothing wrong with your views or how you feel. What’s wrong is relinquishment and adoption trauma being subjects that are considered taboo.

Rooted in relinquishment trauma, dark clouds are everywhere, most days feeling hallow and empty inside. Being born a burden is a heavy load to carry.

The world says “Be Thankful!” but they are clueless what it feels like to feel like a piece of property. Paid in full for a cash price. Only to make the dreams come true for another person’s life. Meanwhile, our entire lives are rooted in secrecy and lies.

It’s hard to smile today, but I wish I could wipe your teardrops away. If I had one more chance, I would hug you so tight and tell you wherever you are in life, everything’s gonna be alright.

It’s hard to smile today. You will always be remembered because your heart and smile are as big as the sky.

Please know we will never let your memories fade away, I wish I could take your pain away.

It’s hard to smile today.

RIH to all the Adoptees who didn’t make it by way of suicide or the hands of their adoptive parents. 💛

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